November 23, 2010

Took the day off of work today.  Sort of annoying that I had to use 2 sick days to comp for this since it extends the holidays.  You know, I really wouldn't have planned this right before the holidays...course I really wouldn't have planned this ever.  Went for the usual run this morning with Tiffany in her stroller.  It's was extremely windy but I was grateful to still be able to get out.  I was reminded that sometimes we do have to run against the wind.  It's not easy but you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I felt that.  At one point I felt like I kept moving my feet but I wasn't even going anywhere.  Sometimes life feels that way.  I had the "Beauty Will Rise" cd on my iPod this morning.  The first time I listened to the CD I wasn't really a fan.  I thought that it wasn't really my style.  But the more I have listened to it, the more the lyrics have touched me.  I am confident that beauty can rise from ashes.  I have experienced joy in the mourning and I know that God is faithful and I am learning to let Him have control. 

This afternoon Tom and I took Tiff to the gravesite.  How I wish she could meet her Uncle Derrick!  He would have loved her!  It's always so hard because walking to the gravesite also means walking by the gravesites of my dear Grandma C, Grandpa C and my Uncle Johnny.  I brought a boquet of roses.  I left some of the petals by Gram C.'s tombstone and then the other flowers by Derrick's.  I didn't realize how long it can take to pull the petals off a rose one at a time!  Learned something new today. 

I have so many questions.  I feel I know the Biblically scripted answers in my head ~ so hard to grasp in my heart.  I am thankful that year 8 is NOT like year 1 (or 2 for that matter).  God has done a work on my heart.  Grief is different now and for that I am so thankful.  I am also thankful that grief for me comes with hope.  I long the day I enter heaven.  I rejoice at the promise that there is a room there waiting for me since I have believed.   

I Thessalonians 4:13-14   "Do not grieve like those who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.