Friday ~ November 22, 2002
It seemed like a regular Friday. I was a junior in college at GVSU. Tom and I were engaged three weeks earlier and so wedding planning was in full force. I didn’t have classes in the afternoon so I was at home but Tom and Heather and I were headed out to my apartment at GVSU for dinner with Afton, Stacy and Lindsey. Shelly had stopped over with baby Lucas. We were all sort of just hanging out, chatting about what our weekend plans would entail. I remember teasing Derrick about all the working out he had been doing for football season and he of course flexed his muscles and told me to punch him as hard as I could in the stomach. He was headed with his friend Jon to South Christian High School’s (SCHS) girls varsity basketball game. It was at Caledonia high school and it was one of the first rounds of play-offs. SCHS was quite excited that both their girl’s basketball team and boys football team had great potential for play-offs this year. Derrick gave little Lucas a kiss and said “I love you little buddy” and he walked out the door. I often wonder what he would say to Tiffany.
It seemed like a regular Friday. I was a junior in college at GVSU. Tom and I were engaged three weeks earlier and so wedding planning was in full force. I didn’t have classes in the afternoon so I was at home but Tom and Heather and I were headed out to my apartment at GVSU for dinner with Afton, Stacy and Lindsey. Shelly had stopped over with baby Lucas. We were all sort of just hanging out, chatting about what our weekend plans would entail. I remember teasing Derrick about all the working out he had been doing for football season and he of course flexed his muscles and told me to punch him as hard as I could in the stomach. He was headed with his friend Jon to South Christian High School’s (SCHS) girls varsity basketball game. It was at Caledonia high school and it was one of the first rounds of play-offs. SCHS was quite excited that both their girl’s basketball team and boys football team had great potential for play-offs this year. Derrick gave little Lucas a kiss and said “I love you little buddy” and he walked out the door. I often wonder what he would say to Tiffany.
Shelly and I were wearing the same shirt. When we bought it we agreed not to ever wear it at the same time. Isn’t it funny how it was so cute when we matched as little kids? As a college student, that simply wasn’t as cool. We laughed at how we both had it on that night but we knew we wouldn’t be seeing each other later since we were headed our separate ways. I don’t think either of us ever wore the shirt again.
So off we went – Tom, Heather and I in Tom’s big red truck. We headed out to GVSU for dinner. I don’t think we had even started eating yet when I got a call from one of Derrick’s friends. The summer of 2002 I had spent in Mexico so Derrick had used my cell phone all summer while I was gone. I still had all of his friends’ numbers stored and they had my number. We had Nextel Direct Connect so one of his friends bumped me and said there had been an accident. He said Jon and Derrick were in a car accident and Derrick was being taken by aeromed downtown. I’m quite sure that at this point I went into a stage of shock. I told Doug this wasn’t a funny joke. He kept telling me it wasn’t a joke – it was true. I couldn’t believe. I wouldn’t believe him!
Apparently one of their other friends had been following Jon and Derrick to the game and so they were at the scene. It was hours before the police ever made contact with our family. I’m quite sure I was the first in my family to get the news. I think Derrick’s friends also called my brother Tim who was at the cottage. I knew we had to call my dad. When I called him I could tell right away that he didn’t know anything yet so I passed the phone off to Tom and made Tom give the message. Then Tom, Heather, and I hopped in his truck and drove downtown. That’s the one and only time we’ve driven from GVSU in Allendale to Spectrum Downtown in less than 10 minutes. Heather grabbed my hand. I was trembling. I tried calling my sister on the way to the hospital. She was with my mom. I wanted to talk to my mom but she wouldn’t let me at that point. She just kept saying “If aeromed was there, this is really bad.” I know now that aeromed is used in only the most critical cases. It’s like bring the hospital to the patient instead of bring the patient to the hospital.
Apparently one of their other friends had been following Jon and Derrick to the game and so they were at the scene. It was hours before the police ever made contact with our family. I’m quite sure I was the first in my family to get the news. I think Derrick’s friends also called my brother Tim who was at the cottage. I knew we had to call my dad. When I called him I could tell right away that he didn’t know anything yet so I passed the phone off to Tom and made Tom give the message. Then Tom, Heather, and I hopped in his truck and drove downtown. That’s the one and only time we’ve driven from GVSU in Allendale to Spectrum Downtown in less than 10 minutes. Heather grabbed my hand. I was trembling. I tried calling my sister on the way to the hospital. She was with my mom. I wanted to talk to my mom but she wouldn’t let me at that point. She just kept saying “If aeromed was there, this is really bad.” I know now that aeromed is used in only the most critical cases. It’s like bring the hospital to the patient instead of bring the patient to the hospital.
Aeromed had landed in a field near the accident sight. Jon was driving his parents car down 100th Street just past Hannah Lake when he lost control of the vehicle and proceeded to over correct. The car rolled multiple times and the roof peeled off. The vehicle stopped when it tipped in the ditch and hit a tree. They figure that Derrick’s head took most of the impact. Jon tried to resuscitate Derrick. They did CPR while they waited for the medics. Soon the streets were blocked off and lights were flashing all around. A week or so after the accident I went with my dad to see the car. Looking at the car, it was a miracle to think that anyone could have survived, nonetheless without hardly a scratch. I don’t know why God chose to only take Derrick home at that time. He must have really special plans in mind for Jon.
We entered the hospital by the emergency entrance. Jon and his mom were already there. My parents and siblings were either there when we arrived or almost there. We stayed in the emergency room waiting area for a bit and then we moved up to a waiting room by ICU. Heather had called her parents or sister to come pick her up from the hospital. I remember Gene pacing the hallway by the elevators holding Lucas. As news traveled the ICU waiting area began to fill up. Aunts and Uncles and cousins came. Friends of our family came. And Derrick’s friends and fellow football teammates came and sat on the floor in the hallway. Considering how many people were there, it was awful quiet. We kept getting the message from the doctors that we had to wait for more information. My mom, who is a Registered Nurse, kept us in tune with reality. At one point she said if there is something they could do for him they would have had him in surgery already. A nurse walked by a bit later. It was someone my mom had worked with in a previous job. “Mary” she called. “Mary!!! What’s going on in there?” Mary very flatly said “It’s not good.” My mom asked for more details at which point Mary said a few things and commented on Derrick’s eyes. Mary said “Do you know what that means?” My mom responded plainly. “He’s brain dead.”
Derrick’s football team would be playing in the State Semi-finals the next day. My dad had talked to the coach and told them they should play the game. “Derrick would have wanted them to play.” So many of the players headed out of the hospital and slowly it was just our family left. I can’t say I really had any concept of time at this point but I feel like it was around 11pm. We knew what the prognosis would be and we knew it was now just a matter of waiting before we would be allowed in to say goodbye.
At this point word had spread by word of mouth and through the media. The girls had won their basketball game that night and lots of kids came up to the hospital when they got the news after the game. I can't even remember if or when I called my roommates back. (These were the days when texting/email didn't exist on my phone). I asked Heather to call some of our friends. Tom's parents were out of town so it took us a bit to get a hold of them. My friend Steph was also out of town. She was living in New Mexico for the semester. I kept calling and she wouldn't answer. I couldn't call by the ICU waiting room. We had to go down to the main floor. I sat by the fountain in the front entrance of Spectrum. I finally called her parents house to see if I could get another number for her. I remember thinking I was going to wake them up. It was getting late at this point. I got a hold of someone else is New Mexico and found out Steph had gone to see a movie and I got the approximate time for when she would be back. I wanted to tell her myself but I didn't know how. I considered having Heather call her but knew I needed to do it. I wanted so badly to tell one of her NM friends to go get her out that movie but I knew that wasn't a realistic option. So I calmly told her friend that it was important. That I needed to talk to her when she got back. I don't know what I said. I don't remember if I was sobbing. I just remember the fountain. I hate that fountain!
Maybe you could add your part of the story here? Maybe we could make this blog grow? Maybe it will help you, like it's helping me. If you're interested post it in the comments or email it to me. Just a thought.
At this point word had spread by word of mouth and through the media. The girls had won their basketball game that night and lots of kids came up to the hospital when they got the news after the game. I can't even remember if or when I called my roommates back. (These were the days when texting/email didn't exist on my phone). I asked Heather to call some of our friends. Tom's parents were out of town so it took us a bit to get a hold of them. My friend Steph was also out of town. She was living in New Mexico for the semester. I kept calling and she wouldn't answer. I couldn't call by the ICU waiting room. We had to go down to the main floor. I sat by the fountain in the front entrance of Spectrum. I finally called her parents house to see if I could get another number for her. I remember thinking I was going to wake them up. It was getting late at this point. I got a hold of someone else is New Mexico and found out Steph had gone to see a movie and I got the approximate time for when she would be back. I wanted to tell her myself but I didn't know how. I considered having Heather call her but knew I needed to do it. I wanted so badly to tell one of her NM friends to go get her out that movie but I knew that wasn't a realistic option. So I calmly told her friend that it was important. That I needed to talk to her when she got back. I don't know what I said. I don't remember if I was sobbing. I just remember the fountain. I hate that fountain!
Maybe you could add your part of the story here? Maybe we could make this blog grow? Maybe it will help you, like it's helping me. If you're interested post it in the comments or email it to me. Just a thought.
One of my big memories of that night in the hospital was the whole process of declaring someone brain dead. That declaration does not in itself declare a person dead but there is a series steps to the shut down process a body must go through before a person is actually pronounced dead. Knowning of the outcome, but waiting for it can be misery. While we were at the hospital, we knew the inevitable, but were told to wait, and that the process could take anywhere from several hours to even a week or more.
ReplyDeleteThere was a family in the waiting room with us, who was waiting for the inevitable pronouncement of their loved one, and had been waiting for days. They were complete strangers, but my heart grieved for them in this process. They took care of baby Lucas for us so we could go in and say goodbye to Derrick and though we've never seen or heard from them again, that simple act of love, even in the midst of their grief is something I will never forget.
You did it! You are sharing your story. And I'm so proud of you. I know it isn't easy to relive all the things you have felt and what you went through. It isn't easy to read them either and to be taken back to some of those moments. But it's important. For your healing, for your reader's healing, for honoring Derrick's memory and to recognize that as time goes on, the pain is still there and a huge part of you will forever be missing.
ReplyDeleteIn reading your last post I was reminded of some of the things I don't remember as well. I remember the phone call and the ride to the hospital holding your hand the whole way. I remember being in the waiting room and then going to the lobby to call some of our friends and let them know. I remember feeling helpless. I remember after my dad dropped my off at my car (which was at your parents house), going over to Julie Walcott's to cry and pray. I just needed to be with someone. I remember wanting to stay and support you, but also recognizing that you needed to be with your family. I don't remember, however, actually leaving the hospital. What did I say to you? What do you say at a time like that?
I remember being at the football game the next day. The sadness, the silence, the 42s painted on everyone's cheeks. I remember seeing Jon at the game and being torn between feeling sorry for him (as I'm sure he felt a tremendous amount of guilt) and being angry. I remember the reaction when the score became 42. (which was reiterated 10-fold at the championship game).
I remember how many people showed up to show their love and support and the funeral home and the funeral itself. It was packed. I remember how well your family bonded together in such a difficult moment and put together a beautiful service honoring Derrick and all that he was. The grace and poise your family had.
I know you and I are both the independent type who like to hold things a little closer to our chests, but I am sorry for not asking how you are doing more often. I want you to know that I think of Derrick often and that my heart still hurts for you. I have often heard from those who have lost someone much too soon, that it seems like the rest of the world moves on and has forgotten. I want you to know that I haven't. And I am sorry that I haven't done more to acknowledge Derrick's memory and the pain you still feel.
I love you!
Heather